Life with an eating disorder.

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wasted-and-wilted-rose — Sun, 16 Jun 2013 23:03:26 +0100

Hey lovelies, sorry I’ve kind of neglected this blog for a while, I promise I will get to the...

amaranthi — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 11:19:02 +0100

Hey lovelies, sorry I’ve kind of neglected this blog for a while, I promise I will get to the ask box at some point today, things are kind of crazy for me at the moment, I hope you all understand. Also, I hope you all are doing okay and I just want to remind you that you are all loved and are all worth something to someone even if you don’t see it your self.

ily, sammy xx

"An eating disorder. This is not about food. This is not about looking good in a dress or wanting..."

amaranthi — Fri, 31 May 2013 13:36:05 +0100

“

An eating disorder.

This is not about food.

This is not about looking good in a dress or wanting to be a supermodel. This is not about wanting the cute guys to turn their heads and stare at your beauty. This is not about going to a store, sliding a size zero skirt over your hipbones, and laughing all the way to the check out counter.

This is not about wanting attention. This is not about enjoying feeling death and refusing food until you need to be force fed with a tube in an ICU. It is not about deliberately pissing off the nurses on the ED unit by hiding your clif bar and boost under your sweatshirt and stashing butter in the bed pans. It is not about selfless starving for all the children in Africa. It is not about the latest fad diet or losing the holiday weight. It is not about reading fashion magazines and pining for the Body Mass Index of Paris Hilton’s pet Chihuahua. It is not about getting a good man/woman. It is not about religion, G-d, the media or culture.

This is about having the self-esteem of an insect. This is a polite way of committing suicide. This is about having no life because it’s impossible to go out with friends to a restaurant and order a bowl of dry lettuce. This is about weighing, measuring and counting pasta, cereal, raisins and anything that passes your lips, including toothpaste. This is about secrets and lies and shame. This is about not wanting to admit that you need to eat. That you deserve to live.

This is about being scared. This is about being terrified. Of everything.

This is about control. This is about numbing away the feelings of abuse. This is about starving away the pain. This is about wanting to disappear as to not be taken advantage of again. This is about hiding under layers of clothing that are mostly black so that no one sees your womanly body. This is about non verbal communication. This is about avoiding. This is about denying the past. This is about intense self hatred.

This is about needing so much that you can’t stand it. This is about wanting to not need anything at all. This is about not wanting to be touched but afraid to be let go. This is about having emotions that bubble up and spill out and scare people away. This is about being so overwhelmed and traumatized that it’s easier to avoid everything by obsessing over the amount of calories in a grapefruit. It is about getting lost in the mirror and scale instead taking responsibility and just f*cking dealing.

This is about wanting to be safe. This is about wanting to curl up in a nutshell and ignore the big bad world that’s too noisy and dangerous and can’t be trusted. This is about not trusting anyone and relying on food (or lack of) to give you an all enveloping comfort blanket when the feelings bloat you up and make you feel fat, ugly and intolerable in your skin.

This is about really crappy coping methods. This is about a way of life you’ve known for 13 years. This is about habit and second nature. This is about making a choice that will quite possibly kill you. This is about chaotic relationships, hospitalizations, devastated families, worried friends, treatment programs, trying and failing, and more hospitalizations. This is about losing your period, failed kidneys, and hollow bones. This is about cardiac arrest at age 21. This is about being sick. This is about not being sick enough to think you need, or agree to go into, treatment. This is about being so sick that you have to be court ordered into a hospital.

This is about trying to be understood. This is about fighting with all you’ve got and more hard work than you ever imagined. This is about exhaustion and tears and needing support. This is about fighting a battle with yourself and the world. This is about trying to survive.

This is not about food.

”

- From a friend on Facebook. It was just too amazing and powerful to not share it. (via meg36)

How do you know you have an eating disorder?

Wed, 29 May 2013 14:49:25 +0100

Hi there,

In all honesty, by visiting a professional and discussing your symptoms.

Sammy xx

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wasted-and-wilted-rose — Wed, 29 May 2013 06:37:27 +0100

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wasted-and-wilted-rose — Wed, 29 May 2013 06:31:38 +0100

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amaranthi — Sun, 26 May 2013 11:44:13 +0100

144/365: I wrote this for you

amaranthi — Sat, 25 May 2013 19:52:21 +0100

144/365: I wrote this for you

145/365: Easier said than done, but worth it.

amaranthi — Sat, 25 May 2013 19:51:58 +0100

145/365: Easier said than done, but worth it.

Hello! Do you know about any active recovery communities with peer support and such? Anything would be much appreciated :)) Love your blog btw!

Sat, 25 May 2013 19:50:04 +0100

Thank you lovely :)

I am not aware of any myself (I’m not in recovery right now), however I shall post this on the blog and see if any of our beautiful followers have any suggestions for you!

Good luck in your recovery lovely,

Sammy <3

TRIGGERING My 49 year old mom is bulimic. She doesn't eat all day, and then when she gets home from work all she does is binge. She chews and spits and then when my brothers and I are in a different area of the house, she puts a bowl onto the couch behind a railing that separates two rooms, and uses it to push against her stomach to help her throw up. She doesn't know that I know, but I do. [cont]

Sat, 25 May 2013 19:48:46 +0100

TRIGGERING [cont] Should I see if my older brother knows first before I go to my dad? Should I go to my moms brother first? I don’t want her to hate me, but I can’t take it anymore. She’s a teacher and I keep waiting because I don’t want to compromise her job or how my dad thinks of her, but I can’t take it anymore. Is it bad to wait until her school lets out before I do anything? I asked another ED tumblr but their answer wasn’t 100% helpful for me unfortunately.

Hello darling, unfortunately I may not be too much help here either.

I think this is one of those situations where you have to go with your gut instinct on what is best for your mum. If I was in your situation I would probably talk to my Dad first about it, or maybe confront your Mum about it. You have to remember that what ever decision you make here is because you love your Mum and don’t want to see her like this. No decision you can make here is wrong in my opinion because all you are trying to do is help a loved one.

I hope this helps a little bit, and actually makes sense,

Sammy <3

Real question. My friend has been binging for a few weeks now and i'm the only person she's told. She says shes been having sharp pains in her stomach and her side alot lately, and she thinks her stomach acid is causing it. I'm not sure of what it could be, so i'm asking around for help on what it might be.

Sat, 25 May 2013 19:42:34 +0100

Hi there,

I do get sharp pains like that if I binge too much - it’s like you’ve eaten so much that your stomach can’t handle it. I would just telling your friend to see a doctor if she is still experiencing this as it could be potentially dangerous. If she is worried about seeing a doctor - remind her that everything she says is confidential, and maybe suggest that you go with her so that she feels a bit more comfortable?

I hope this helps,

Sammy <3

I don't understand myself. I'm getting disappointed in myself for eating normally and unless I eat less than a quarter of the suggested daily calorie count, I don't want to live. I get so suicidal when I eat, and I can't not eat because I live with my family and they would notice. So I've just had suicidal and depressing thoughts for months now - does this mean I have an eating disorder, or am in the process of developing one?

Sat, 25 May 2013 19:40:31 +0100

Hello darling,

Sorry I have taken so long to get back to you.

What you’re experiencing could be a number of things, and as I am not a professional I can’t really give you an answer. I would however suggest going to a doctor to discuss this.

Stay strong lovely,

Sammy <3

145/365: Someone requested I made a post about eating disorders...

amaranthi — Fri, 24 May 2013 11:28:36 +0100

145/365: Someone requested I made a post about eating disorders / depression so I painted this reminder (sorry I can’t remember who you were!!)

raspberrying: Treat yourself like you would a best friend. Treat yourself like you would a sister...

wasted-and-wilted-rose — Mon, 20 May 2013 19:32:33 +0100

raspberrying:

Treat yourself like you would a best friend. Treat yourself like you would a sister or brother. Treat yourself like you would your future son or daughter. You wouldn’t want them to feel like they’re not enough. You wouldn’t want them to crumble to their knees in tears at the sight of their own reflection. You wouldn’t want them to suffer in silence.

Treat yourself like you’re a person who deserves love and care because that’s what you are.

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amaranthi — Wed, 15 May 2013 14:01:24 +0100

cishetssuck: friendly reminder that: you are not weak if you want meds for your disorder you are...

amaranthi — Tue, 14 May 2013 16:55:39 +0100

cishetssuck:

friendly reminder that:

you are not weak if you want meds for your disorder

you are not weak if you relapse once

you are not weak if you relapse a thousand times

you are not weak if some kinds of therapy don’t work for you

you are not weak if some kinds of meds don’t work for you

you are not weak if you have a mental disorder.

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amaranthi — Tue, 14 May 2013 16:55:22 +0100

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amaranthi — Tue, 14 May 2013 16:55:02 +0100

Hello beauties! I changed my URL to wasted-and-wilted-beauty.tumblr.com So if anyone is looking...

wasted-and-wilted-rose — Tue, 14 May 2013 16:52:45 +0100

Hello beauties!

I changed my URL to
wasted-and-wilted-beauty.tumblr.com

So if anyone is looking for me, that’s where you can find me.
Hope everyone is well, stay strong everyone! You are loved and beautiful❤

- Alyssa.